<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>listen (to the language of your heart) by tkreyesevandiaz</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504103">listen (to the language of your heart)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/pseuds/tkreyesevandiaz'>tkreyesevandiaz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Kisses, Fluff, Kissing in the Rain, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Realizations, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 03:09:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,322</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504103</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/pseuds/tkreyesevandiaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eddie comes to a few conclusions, and decides to do something about them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>389</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>listen (to the language of your heart)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodchoc_magnum/gifts">woodchoc_magnum</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is for Felicity &lt;3</p><p>Teen rating for a swear word.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He doesn’t hesitate.</p><p>Really. </p><p>He just paces back and forth in front of Buck’s door a thousand times, thinking about how to knock. The key to the apartment burns through his dress slacks, but Eddie makes no move to reach for it, thinking the threshold to be a clear boundary in whatever he came here tonight to do.</p><p>What’s Buck going to think?</p><p>What if Eddie can’t spit the words out?</p><p>What if Buck doesn’t hear him?</p><p>He immediately dismisses the last thought. When in the past three years has Buck not heard him? Hell, the man hears him even when he doesn't say anything.</p><p>In the midst of this spiral, Eddie doesn't notice the door opening behind him, too busy wearing the floor down with his dress shoes. It’s only after he turns around that he jumps at the sight of his best friend leaning in the doorway, looking highly amused.</p><p>“Uh...I was about to knock,” Eddie says sheepishly, startling a laugh out of Buck. </p><p>“Yeah, sounds like it. Come on in before you wake the rest of the neighbors with your pacing.” Buck leaves the door open behind him, his amusement wrapping around Eddie like a glove. Part of him thinks that he should probably be annoyed that Buck finds his clear distress so funny, but he doesn’t — not even a little bit. He doesn't exactly know how Buck realized he was standing outside, but he's strangely relieved that he doesn't have to knock.</p><p>Eddie stays quiet as he steps into Buck’s loft, eyes sweeping over the familiar layout. </p><p>It’s not like he sees the loft only once every six months. He and Christopher pretty much live half the week here, whether it’s playing video games or dozing off to another Disney movie. </p><p>But tonight, after the mack-truck realization that smacked him right in the face, every place they’ve left evidence of their family seems different. For fuck’s sake, even his damn truck has the echo of Buck and Christopher’s horrible off-key singing, the tone that threatens to burst his eardrums every time.</p><p>This apartment holds more than Eddie can read into. There’s the image of the three of them on the couch, Christopher playfully beating the two of them up. There’s Buck and Christopher doing science homework on the floor, Eddie and Christopher sitting at the dining table working through spelling. There’s Christopher sitting on the dining table as he directs Buck and Eddie to hang up the tapestry in the living room. It's in Buck and Eddie competing with the weights under the stairs as Christopher rolls his eyes at them.</p><p>Eddie knows there’s a stack of Go-Fish cards in the dresser with the record player, alongside extra coloring material and Legos. That particular drawer might as well be branded with Christopher’s name, because it’s where Buck stores all of his stuff. </p><p>Eddie turns his attention to where Buck is padding around softly in his kitchen, sock-clad feet falling hushed on the tile. A thin T-shirt stretches across the broad shoulders that have held him up more times than he can count, falling loose at his waist in a way that makes Eddie want to stretch his palm along his side.</p><p>There are memories in this kitchen too, ones that make Eddie feel like an idiot for denying what’s been in front of him the whole time.</p><p>There’s Buck urging him to face a conversation Eddie didn’t know how to have. There’s Christopher cross-legged on the counter, happily rambling instructions off a printed recipe as Buck and Eddie move through the kitchen. There’s the counter where they spread out all of the parts to the adaptive skateboard. There’s the cabinet that Eddie knows stores Christopher’s favourite fruit snacks and juice boxes.</p><p>It’s not like any of these realizations are exclusive only to this apartment. Eddie might be an idiot for not having recognized the picture all these pieces fell in place to form, but he’s not stupid enough to think that there’s only a limited number of them.</p><p>There’s Buck plopping down next to where Eddie and Christopher were gluing the pieces to another project in Christopher's room. There’s Christopher and Buck laughing at another batch of Eddie’s infamous burnt pancakes. There’s Buck hip-checking him aside to take over the stove, somehow looking both fond and exasperated at once. There's Eddie and Buck tossing out all the expired food. It's in Buck coming over at least three times a week, "accidentally" making extra food.</p><p>“Eddie?” </p><p>Buck’s voice startles him out of where he’s staring at the edge of the sink, remembering standing there and wondering if his best friend was flirting with him or if that was wishful thinking.</p><p>Eddie looks towards where he’s standing near the balcony, holding the door open, a small smile playing across his face. Taking the silent cue, he follows Buck out, both men leaning with their forearms braced on the ledge.</p><p>A telltale chill hangs in the air, bringing with it a dampness that only speaks of incoming rain. Briefly, Eddie thinks that he should step away from the edge to avoid ruining his dress clothes, but can’t bring himself to move from the serene bubble the two of them have enclosed themselves in. He relishes having Buck so close, but despite the erratic hum of the city, Eddie finally feels his mind quiet.</p><p>“Want to tell me why you were wearing holes into the floor?” Buck brings up after a while of them standing in silence, letting the errant wind ruffle their clothes. The city looks prettier than usual tonight, glimmering merrily — or maybe that’s a product of the weird funk Eddie’s in.</p><p>“I had a date tonight,” he answered quietly, turning his head to look at Buck’s profile. Interestingly enough, he sees his jaw clench for a quick moment before his features relax again. The small glimpse gives Eddie the courage to continue. “No matter how many times I try to put myself out there again, something or the other always seems to be lacking. I feel like everything’s always awkward.”</p><p>“Everything’s always awkward in the beginning,” Buck points out, turning around to press his back to the balcony wall, giving Eddie his undivided attention. He resists the urge to squirm underneath the intensity of it.</p><p>“That’s...that’s not what I mean.” </p><p>He didn’t quite know how to explain this. It was this awkwardness, followed by an even more awkward goodbye, that had led to an absent-minded thought that it was never this difficult with Buck.</p><p>And hadn’t that come out of nowhere.</p><p>Eddie had stood in the parking lot, struck twenty ways to Tuesday by how the random thought seemed to have unlocked something in his mind. When he ultimately got behind the wheel, his first thought was to show up here.</p><p>Eddie shifts closer, enough that they’re pressed together like usual. To his credit, Buck doesn’t move away, only angles his body closer. There’s a fleeting sense of regret that comes with the realization that he’s probably more exposed now, but for the way Buck’s looking at him now, Eddie can’t bring himself to turn away.</p><p>“I’m not being stupid, am I,” Eddie whispers, a little unnerved by the softness in Buck’s eyes.</p><p>He laughs quietly anyway. “Depends on what you’re asking, but no, I don't think so. Try, Eddie.”</p><p>Eddie thinks this over, staring back out into the city. There are people here who've come to start their lives again, who've come with a dream to make better lives for themselves. Eddie was one of those people, too. He’d come here to make a better life for him and his son, and they <em> had. </em>But out of all the things that this city has given them, Buck has to have been the best thing. Eddie couldn't even imagine life without Buck anymore.</p><p>His date tonight had been a whim, and spurred on by the creeping loneliness that came with...well, being alone. She'd been nice enough, but it was like trying to force two mismatched puzzle pieces together.</p><p>“She wasn’t you,” he settles on finally, watching Buck’s eyes crinkle adorably at the words. “When I first came here, seven-year-old Christopher in tow, clinging to me as we explored this new city, we didn’t envision this. We didn’t think that we were going to get someone like you in our lives. But we <em>did </em>and I don't know what we did to deserve it, what <em>I </em>did to deserve someone like you in our lives.</p><p>“There was a point...a time, where I’d look at something, and I’d wonder if it was something Chris would like, somewhere Chris would want to go. Now, I think about it for both of you. Is it something you and Chris would like? Is it something <em> you </em> would like, maybe something we could do when we’re not with Chris. And...I didn’t know why. I didn’t realize I was doing it, but I also don’t know <em> why </em>. Why do I look for you in everything I do?”</p><p>Buck watches him carefully, just as the first drops of rain begin to dot the concrete ledge. Still, Eddie pays it no mind, letting the wind sweep through his hair, taking some of the tension from his head.</p><p>Feeling somewhat brave, Eddie reaches a hand out, looking Buck right in the eye. His best friend only smiles at him, placing his hand in Eddie’s palm with the same look they exchange before running into fires together. There's an ingrained trust that seems to have carried over to this too. Eddie can trust Buck blindfolded with his life — and as it turns out, his heart, too.</p><p>He stares at the picture their hands make — so different, yet slotting into place perfectly. He turns Buck’s hand over to trace lightly over the lines decorating his palm, moving a finger along the slightly rough skin.</p><p>Eddie follows the trail down to the knob of bone on Buck’s wrist, sweeping past the tattoo decorating his arm, and back up towards the lines of muscles pressing against the fabric of his shirt. He follows the collarbone, ending the slow exploration with Eddie’s finger right at the dip of Buck’s throat, close enough to Buck’s pulse that he can almost feel it thrumming rapidly underneath the skin.</p><p>He taps lightly on the curved bridge of bone, before glancing up to where Buck’s watching him. Unknowingly, Eddie’s shifted closer, almost pressing Buck back against the ledge and holding him in place with his body.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>The words leave him before he can scramble all the letters back in his possession again, hanging between the two of them. Buck jerks at the words, looking at him wide-eyed, but Eddie doesn't turn away, no matter how much his brain screams at him to. He lets Buck see what he's saying, lets him know that he's got the control here.</p><p>“When you came here tonight, looking like that,” Buck begins, finally reaching out to smooth the collar of his maroon dress shirt down, “a very big part of me wished that you’d come here for me, dressed like this. That you’d dressed up like this for <em> me </em>.”</p><p>“I did come here for you,” Eddie says, using his grip on Buck’s other hand to press a light kiss to it. “And if you’ll let me, there will be <em> many </em>opportunities in life for us to dress up for one another.”</p><p>Buck tugs him closer, wrapping large hands around his waist as he smiles. Eddie grins right back, fitting his fingers in the divots made for him in Buck’s skin, wrapping them around his back like he’d wanted to before.</p><p>They stand there long enough that the sky stops holding back, much like the way Eddie opens up to the man in front of him. Even as the rain begins soaking through their clothes, Eddie can’t bring himself to move, and judging by the contented look on Buck’s face, neither can he.</p><p>“So, you know something I’ve never done?” Buck grins wolfishly, hair plastered to his forehead. Eddie laughs and shakes his head, catching his drift immediately.</p><p>He presses his lips to Buck’s in a kiss that — if he does say so himself — would put all those romantic comedies his sisters were obsessed with to shame. Lifting a hand, Eddie presses it to the side of Buck’s neck, thumb tilting his jaw to keep him where Eddie wants him. He can’t stop touching him, rubbing his other thumb in circles along the soaked fabric.</p><p>Buck seems to be in the same boat, one hand drifting upwards to card through Eddie’s wet hair and cradle his head. They kiss for what Eddie hopes is hours, slow and languid, in no rush to go anywhere. Buck is warm beneath his lips and hands, a contrast to the chill whipping through their clothes.</p><p>Still, Eddie reluctantly pulls away, knowing that Buck’s clad in nothing but a thin shirt and sweatpants, and he has to be feeling the cold. His formal clothes are practically ruined, a fact that would cement him in place where they’re pressed head to toe if not for concern about Buck.</p><p>“I love you too,” Buck says, pulling him into another kiss just before Eddie tugs them out of the direct downpour. The words warm him faster than a fire ever could, and Eddie lets them wrap around his bones in the conviction that he can be enough.</p><p>He feels like he’ll never stop smiling as wide as he is, staring at the spark in his best friend's eyes. Buck winks at him and gestures for him to stay as he squeezes extra water out of his sweatpants. Eddie watches him jog inside to find towels, whistling the entire way, and feels his heart dip another time.</p><p>This is the man he loves, and Eddie's thankful that he's listened to his heart.</p><p>He's home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title is a loose translation of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eWOXgrQW9g">Main Yahaan Hoon</a> but I recommend listening to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2B8BUDIvYA&amp;ab_channel=T-Series">Duniya</a> for this song. This video has a reference to the way Buck and Eddie stand in the fic (3:06-3:18) in case you want one.</p><p>Kudos and Comments make my day, so thank you to everyone who leaves them! I love hearing what you guys think, and anyone who takes time out of their day to comment has my heart and soul ♥</p><p>You can find me on Tumblr at <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/zeethebooknerd">zeethebooknerd</a> or on Twitter at <a href="https://twitter.com/tkreyesevandiaz">tkreyesevandiaz</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>